So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize