ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just cut my nipple shaving
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
