my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
In America we eat man semen.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I need to calm my uterus...
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
