its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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