so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
