I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Randomize
