she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
