Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
