I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
