I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Randomize
