i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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