Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
