Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
The air taste purple.
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