Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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