Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
