By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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