She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Someone came in the potted fern
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
