why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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