brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
