Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize