let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
