is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
