You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
