In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
