I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize