i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
