She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize