I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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