What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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