Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
It's shark week go big or go home
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
