I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
