i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
