get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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