Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
