would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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