she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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