I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
