When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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