he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
