my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
