My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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