So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
