Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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