You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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