Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
