i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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