I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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