i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
