I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
