Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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