By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
