I've blown a few things in my day
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
