The maid of honor just puked.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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