A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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