I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
