I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
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