Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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