He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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