We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
