i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize