just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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