There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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