Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
