He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
