I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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