She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud š³
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Iām gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a ābrilliantā idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
