That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Randomize
