she looked like the bat from fern gully.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
