I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
