Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
