just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
