my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the room spins SO much faster in panama
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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