i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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