Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
