i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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