he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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