am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
