I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
