Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
