Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
