8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
The chlamydia really affected his face.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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