you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
