Well apparently he's into motor boating.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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