Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
