If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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