Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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