Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
