your room smells of hookers.
And success
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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