nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
