oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
