and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
