Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
