How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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