My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
