Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say š
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
His wife found the thong I āforgotā in his glovebox
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