I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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