Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
