just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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